There is a lot of danger in basing your recovery on one thing. Whether that thing be person, event, or something else altogether, it is not going to be sufficient to get you through. I fall into this trap over and over and over again, thinking I will eat and deal with the discomfort for … Continue reading Pseudo-Recovery
As we count down the final days of 2018, many find themselves reflecting on the year that was and hoping for the year that will be - making new year's' resolutions. Any 'holiday' can be particularly difficult when you have a mental illness, and the new year is no different. Reflection can bring up feelings … Continue reading New Year, New Me
My least favourite time of year is the end of December, and it's no coincidence that this time is also the Christmas break. For many people, it's a time of celebration and enjoying the company of loved ones. There are also many people who dread Christmas for a number of reasons. One group of such people … Continue reading Christmas Break(s me)
Irritability is a horrible side-effect of not eating that people don't really seem to know or talk about. I'm not exaggerating when I say that I can turn into a completely different person because I have an empty stomach. When I was right in the depths of my disorder I don't even recognise the person … Continue reading How Dare You
Writing is how I de-stress, how I process emotion, how I have time for me. It has been an amazing tool for me to use. It saddens me to currently be working so hard that my brain doesn't have the energy left to think about things to write about. There's so much going on that I … Continue reading I Know
I've forgotten what baseline is. I no longer know whether what I feel is normal or disordered. I don't even know if anything is wrong, or if this is what everybody deals with and I'm just being dramatic. Taking a step back, I'm at peace with my depression. I take my pills every day, I … Continue reading What Am I?
Recovery is not what I thought it would be. Looking at social media, I thought recovery would be very pretty. I thought it began with the realisation that you want your life back, quickly followed by eating smoothie bowls and going out for meals with friends but keeping one foot in the eating disorder - … Continue reading Recovery Ain’t Pretty